Learning to Balance

Hi friends.

Back at it with the blog posts, and I mean I am really going to try harder this semester to get on here more often and throw some cool recipes and meaningful moments your way! I appreciate all of you who follow me, and for those who have just discovered my blog, welcome!

I’ve been a busy little bee over here once the semester started, and while it can be slightly (HA! slightly…) stressful, I’m learning to love being busy and eating up the empty time I have in-between my classes to study and be a part of more things here on my campus. I’m also starting my training for a half marathon this spring with my run club and I am OVERLY EXCITED FOR THAT (!!!!!!!!!!).

While all seems peachy, I’ve had some struggles this semester once again, and instead of hiding them I’d like to share what I’m experiencing and potentially help others who may be in the same boat as I am.

I touched on this last semester, but I am still struggling to find a happy medium here with food intake and how I respect my body. Unfortunately, I’ve reached some spells of negativity and found myself having a very hard time being in touch with my inner self. Not something I thought I’d be experiencing, as I was so excited to leave for college; but none the less, it is not something you can ignore or hide. It is what it is and this made me decide that my new year’s resolution was to move away from the eating habits I’ve developed and live more fully without dwelling on the past. It’s been a journey so far, and no, it is not easy to break habits I’ve built up…. but I guess I’m working on it.

Why do I bring this up?

I need to learn to balance things in my life better than I have, and I think that is something a lot of people can relate to. We (as in most of us) are constantly stuck in a fixed mindset that tells us right from wrong. In some cases, that’s great! You can’t go stealing things from Whole Foods! But in other cases, it may be apart of our demise. For myself, I know that is completely true, and it was very hard to come to terms with that.

I believe that my fixed mindset is a HUGE factor in why sometimes when the pizza comes out, I eat a lot more than feels okay in my body. I am constantly living in this world where I feel I need to be healthy ALL. THE. TIME. And then when I break that “rule”? Shit. Let’s get all the food down in one bite and go for more!

Let me tell you, that is NOT fun, and is NOT the way I have ever approached food. I love food, and I want to have a healthy relationship with it.

I guess here’s my point for this post: learn to love yourself and learn that every once in awhile it is okay to let go. A lot of times I feel like we get wrapped up in different things that surround us. The media, people who live near us, goals… and it’s hard when we feel like we aren’t perfect… But…. News Flash: we are not perfect. It is time to accept that. It is time we find a good balance. It is time that we love ourselves for even those small things we hate and it is time that we embrace body and mindful peace.

A challenge: break that “fixed mindset” once a day. See how good it feels, and try to incorporate it more. My goal? Leave it in the past for good. But for now, once a day seems reasonable.

Oh, and remember, balance your life, but also your relationship with food. Healthy, and not so healthy.

‘Cause pizza is reallllll good.

 

Surviving Semester One

The end of the semester is coming around the corner *cheers dramatically*.

College, unfortunately, is not some walk in the park and I think we’ve all come to figure that out as we began our journey almost three months ago. The stress levels are killer, you have to unlock the bathroom door every time, and your favorite shower is almost always taken.

Don’t get me wrong, though, although it’s stressful, it’s a blast all in one. The people you meet and the experiences you have are incredible; and I can finally say that I feel like I’m really getting into the swing of things. With studying and buddying, college is a whole whirl wind of things going on. For someone like me who prides as a creature of habit most days, this can be freakin’ overwhelming.

The first month and a half, I struggled hard here at Iowa State. My eating was off, I could barely sleep, and the thing I thought about most was when my family was coming to visit me. I often sat there, eating junk food thinking “I wish I had my kitchen and my two dogs”. My running was depleted and I felt like the joy I had coming to college was smothered by this sadness.

I woke up, then, and realized; I am in the time of my life. Sure, residence halls blow, and hair balls in the bathroom are killer, but I am on my way to becoming what I want to be when I grow up. I am surrounded by people struggling JUST LIKE ME. So why the pity party? At this moment, I felt like I grew up and now I’ve put together an awesome lists of ways YOU can survive your first or second semester too. Because no one deserves to be unhappy; you gotta live and you gotta live NOW!

1. Find your hobby

Whether it be running, drawing, biking, reading, laying in a field; find something you love to do that can distract you when times are getting tough. A major component of overcoming stress and even sadness sometimes, is to spark a little joy by doing a favorite thing.

2. Use that hobby, and find others that do the same

I cannot stress this enough; finding people who are involved in your similar interests can rock your world more than you think. In high school maybe you had clubs or sports you participated in daily and now you feel detached because college is so big and what if I don’t have those great things? Good news, bud. There’s tons of people interested in the same things you are. Get out there, join that club or sport and hang out with cool people that you can connect with on a level other friends may not be able to. For me, I found run club and culinary club. Obsessed with both, and the people bring me MAJOR joy.

3. Make friends with people on your floor or in your building

It is so scary coming into a place you don’t know anyone, and sometimes, you feel alone. The thing is, there are tons of people “feeling alone”- therefore, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I remember my first night here I went to bed and was like “oh my god I am friendless and no one is here for me help me, MOM COME BACK!”. Then, the next day I went to dinner with my floor and I met some of my greatest friends here on campus. It involved capture the flag and an accidental butt grab; but hey, I have friends now!

All I can say is having people close to you that can share a friendship is something you will need, especially when a homesickness feel hits and you can’t survive without an immediate hug.

4. Hit up Group fitness classes

Every person and their mother is going to tell you to “WORKOUT” because freshman 15 and all that jazz. Sure, weight gain is NOT fun (lol, me! it’s okay- you will probably experience it; it’s a part of life!), but it’s not irreversible and it isn’t some initiation into college. Something to utilize, especially if you aren’t into working out alone, is group fitness. There are SO many classes you can take, ranging from cardio cycling to yoga to belly dance.  I utilize the yoga classes at least twice a week, and it’s great to feel motivated by others to get in some good exercise. Even if you like to work out on your own, like me, these classes are just fun!

5. Journal

Every single day, I start my morning with writing 25 daily gratitudes. I cannot tell you the difference this has made in my life here. In the beginning, I was struggling with binge eating to comfort me (not a good thing to do!), and then I felt sad and terrible more than I would like to. Then, one morning, I decided that this was not something I wanted, and I forced myself to write 25 things I was happy about that day. From that day, I had continued this and I have been BINGE FREE! I’m not some miracle cure, but just someone who needed to remember that there is good in my life, and I shouldn’t throw away the progress I made from my previous eating disorder.

 

Get cute pencils from eathealthydesigns.com !!!

Journaling is the key to opening up when you just can’t speak. I’m almost on journal number two! Another great thing to do is to write down all your fun adventures. You can look back and smile when you think of all the crazy things you’ve done!

6. Seek help

Whether it be from a tutor or a therapist, if you are struggling, do not fear to reach out to someone. As I stated above, I struggled with my eating and I have now found myself with a therapy appointment on Thursday mornings. It was scary at first, but I realized that to better myself, I needed the extra help. This goes for classes, too. If chemistry doesn’t click with you, don’t ride the semester out feeling down and unworthy of a good grade; ask for help! There are so many tutors available, as well as review sessions for tests!

7. Be you

This is cheesy, but just be yourself. No one can be cool as the real you, and the great thing about college is that there are so many people just like you that have the same interests and even the same humor. Don’t change who you are.

 

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I hope this post on semester one survival tips was helpful because these were some things that really helped me ride out this semester. I still have a few weeks to go, but I’m ending this semester feeling like Emily again, and I only wish to bring that to other people that may be roughing it their first months of this newness. Let me know if you ever need anything, or have more tips on how to survive!

STUDY FOR YOUR FINALS!

New Challenges, A New Perspective.

Boy, do I wish I could be posting some killer cooked recipe that I made while at home. Unfortunately, that is VERY unrealistic here in the lovely residence halls of Iowa State! And s unfortunate as it is and though the amount I am missing my kitchen is quite incredible, I am currently LOVING college. Yes, it is kicking my butt; but I am truly enjoying myself each day.

As a new college kid, and someone who has struggled with anxiety and an eating disorder, newness is a freaky situation to me. I am a very routine individual, and because that gets off, it gives me stress like no other. I love being relaxed, yet when your life changes so drastically, it can be very, VERY scary. Especially when social eating is not something I have been used to, as well as not having the beautiful option of cooking all my favorite things at the drop of a hat (I’m looking’ at you crispy sweet potato wedges!!!).

I have been scared here, and I am sure that there are many other individuals feeling the same way I am; trying to balance recovery as well as living a normal young adult life.

Working’ on the social eating!

I spoke a few posts ago about my eating and how it has changed since being here. It’s been a process, but I am beginning to get a better grip on the excessive eating. It’s tricky to explain, but each day I take time to evaluate how I am feeling and what’s going on. I’m not saying it’s perfect- PUH LEASE!- in fact, just the other night I ate a ton, and felt like a pile of crap afterwards, but what I’m saying is that if you are struggling, you can make it, too.

When this all started, I was so afraid. I hated it every second, and it happened more often than not. I found myself seeing others eat things I didn’t even want, yet I felt pressured to succumb and eat what I didn’t have on my plate already. But I’ve realized that this is not making me happy. Following my values is not hard. It is a choice I enjoy, and sometimes, I forget that. I forget that I cannot be everyone else. I should not be embarrassed about being human, about being someone who enjoys broccoli or gets excited about almond milk. I should not be embarrassed to be an Emily.

Emily and Emily for lunch?

I began to open up, and now I am finding happiness quite often.

I believe that everyone has the ability to find this balance in college; and I am excited for the day where I can say I am completely balanced here. For now, I wanted to share my journey, what I’m learning here in Iowa, and how I am getting closer to the real me. For now, remember that you too can embrace change.

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The Grocery Diaries: College Style

Hey guys!

So, I’m very excited to be starting a series now every two week for when I grocery shop in college. You may say, WTF everyone grocery shops and you did it before so what’s the big (organic, dairy-free) cheese?

Well, lemme tell you somethin’. Being in college ain’t no walk in the park and I have a small freaking dorm room that I really want to fill with amazing foods and yet I have no space. So yea, I’m excited to share what I have and what I buy on a weekly basis!

I figured it could also help out some of you who are looking to pick up a healthier college life style, as well as maybe maintain one you already have, just with some extra goodies! I’m planning on sharing meals, snacks  prepare and things I receive from companies that can fuel your minds with creative ways to perk up the dorm dining life!

This week’s features are going to include my first two grocery hauls and some quick things I’ve eaten instead of the dining hall. I’m planning on grocery shopping every two weeks to save money, as well as make use of everything I buy. Can’t be wasteful!

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Let’s get started with some groceries….

Grains:

• I bought some staples for a young girl who has to be quick, and also only has a microwave, George Foreman grill, and a mini fridge. Therefore, some grains I bought at the store were a healthy(wish) cereal (please let me know of any brands that are low in sugar, with minimal ingredients!), granola (Purely Elizabeth -bless!), sprouted bread and snap pea crisps from Aldi, as well as a easy Annie’s mac + cheese!
  • Easy enough for me to store, as well as stay healthy without all the added stuff from the dining center.

Dairy and Canned Goods

• So obviously my pictures were not as separated and categorized as I’d like but sometimes you gotta move fast! Staples bought: greek yogurt (then when out, I splurged on Siggi’s ), almond milk, dairy free cheese (for “treat”- don’t usually like to eat this!), canned tomatoes and sauce, beans and of course, sweet potatoes!
• Unpictured: Enjoy Life dark chocolate chips, Endangered dark chocolate, more beans… the works!

Spices, Toppings and Such

• At the store, I grabbed some to-go Justin’s almond butter packs because when in a hurry, these are great snacks for class! Also, ACV for dressings, toasted coconut chips and chili powder!
• Unpictured: Cumin, curry, turmeric, pepper, mustard and cocoa powder (along with baking soda and powder!)

 

As for produce, I picked up some greens for the first week (then figured out that the dining center is chocked full of veggies, so…. not buying those!), also got some frozen fruit for smoothies, avocados, and raw vegetables!

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Recipes for Easy Dorm-in’

1. Coconut Matcha Balls

   

   Easy peasy!

   2. Curried Bean Bowl

Easy peasy!

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That’s it for this edition of The Grocery Diaries! I’m hoping to get one of these out every two-three weeks depending on when I get goodies and such from the store. Be on the look out for more dorm friendly recipes, as well as new products I’m trying out!

 

 

Making Changes

So recently, I’ve been adapting a “vegetarian lifestyle”. One I’ve loved, one that I secretly promoted, and one that I only started at the beginning of the summer due to a past scare with my anorexia being promoted by the weight loss I had while I was a vegetarian.

Now with starting school, things have been a lot different than they’ve been in the past.

As I stated in my post about what’s been going on, my eating has been all over the place; weird cravings, full bellies and a lot of discomfort. I did a reevaluation of myself, and decided that I really needed to start looking at what I’ve been eating, and what I can do to stop the crazy food intakes that happen too frequently.

Here at school, there are not many options for vegetarians, let alone running vegetarians who need the right nutrients ALL the time. For the past weeks, I’ve been consuming the same things over and over and over again- which isn’t healthy for my body, either.

I’ve decided to reintroduce some meats into my diet for right now, and then when I return home for breaks I can practice vegetarianism as much as I want, as I’ll have access to all I need. It makes me upset, but at the same time, I need to listen to my head- meaning that I need the variety right now.

I wanted to make this post just so people knew and weren’t surprised if I posted something with meat. I still am a huge advocate for animals and love them to death. I’m also making sure that what I consume is well-treated and fed meat. Gotta have respect.

For now, I need to help myself until things can calm down and I can figure out my whole ordeal.

A Girl Uncovered: Revisiting Summer and Now

Week one of college is officially over.

I think I can actually say I’m a college student now, and to me, that’s pretty neat considering I’ve been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time. It’s been a transition for sure, but one I’m really starting to enjoy.

But before I embark on this four year adventure, I wanted to revisit something that’s bothered me over the summer; something I’ve come across here at my campus this first week; and something I plan on working on to better myself once again.

I preach balance, and for months on end, I lived it in the best way possible. Unfortunately this summer, I came across a road of late-night food shoveling and some nasty times of eating way too much; and continuing because I already dabbled in it. I don’t want to label it bingeing, but to some extent I think I am or was. And that concerned me deeply.

Yet I couldn’t change my habits. It was hard and I found myself really feeling bad about what I was doing with my food. I love food, and here I felt as though I had begun to abuse it again, just in a different way than I did two years ago.

My main thoughts that provoked it were probably due to emotional and stress problems leading up to such a big change in my life. At points, I’d think- “this is okay because I had a bad day” or “I’m stressed so… ben and jerry’s?”. These thoughts are far from what I preach, and as the summer had begun to end, I really was upset by how it played out.

I want to make something clear as I continue. I don’t see this as a “oh god I’m going to get fat” problem. As a girl who has learned to respect and love her body, I want to be far away from that type of thinking. It creates a problem, though, when I respect my body so much, yet push my stomach to limits and eat foods that hurt my system because I don’t know how to control it. That’s where my problems arise.

I took a lot of time to evaluate this before I even thought about posting; but I know many young people and older people alike struggle at some points with this. As a kid now going into college, I wanted to offer what I’m doing to help the situation. In no way am I a professional. But I am a human.

I first looked at what’s been going on, and that’s a lot. I’m moving away from home, leaving friends and family, encountering new obstacles with food, fast meals, fast times… yada yada. Then I came up with what I think I need to do.

1. Journal when emotions and stressors come into play. This is HUGE! It gives you a moment to pep talk or to hash out feelings you may throw other places.
2. Evaluate how I’m feeling and why I feel the need to reach for food.
3. Enjoy what I’m eating; and not think about when it will be gone or how I would want more.
4. Start preparing and trying new things. Being in a rut causes your body to have more cravings than normal.
5. Honor my cravings with healthier options, that way when I do reach for a “treat” or a “balanced” type meal, it feels good. Not bad.

I’m hoping I can make it work because I truly love the life of balance and I can’t wait to find it again. Let me know if there’s any questions or concerns you ever need answered and remember…

 

Balance is key.

 

Lollapalooza Recap

Four days checked off my bucket list.

Last year, I went to Lollapalooza for a day. After that day, I made it my goal to spend my last summer moments before college in the same beautiful park, with my friends. Little did I know, I’d also make it my goal ((later on)) to attend all four days of it.

I have been so excited for so many months, weeks, and days counting down to this amazing event. And now that it’s over, I want to share the incredible experience I had the past weekend in one of my favorite cities; filled with music, great food and some of my greatest friends!

 

The center of it all.

Thursday was my first day off and I started at my own house, filling up on my bowl o’ goodness oats that have been a staple this summer. And then I was off to the 9:40 express down to Chitown where I’d spend the day running in between sets with friends (aka The 1975 and The Arcs at the SAME time…ANARCHY!). A rain delay for the front gates, rain in the middle of Bastille, and…. some interesting eats!

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I have to be honest: Not many food choices, and that really made me mad. I was excited for Chowtown as a crazed foodie should be, yet it was filled with a bunch of fries and pizza. Granted, yes, that’s great and all. But I can get that anywhere! I ended up finding Goddess and Grocer all the way at the end with an incredible Thai Tofu wrap that kept me filled for hours (with an afternoon apple!). Tofu tacos from Chipotle (praise these, I ate them three days in a row!) were my dinner.

Friday was the same run of things, except I ended up leaving for awhile to grab some of my favorite stir-fry around from Brightwork Kitchen . Bless, it saved me!

Golden Miso sauce = heaven

While that was great, so were a few of the bands I saw that day. The Struts had a killer performance (one of the best!), not to mention Lewis Del Mar, Alessia Cara, Fouls, and Radiohead for the headliner. The Struts by far had one of the funnest performances I’ve witnessed as a concert goer. BBBBABBBY BBBBABBBBY bBBBAyYYYBAYYYY!

Saturday was my favorite day, and not just for one reason (although, one is more prominent!). One: spent 12 hours with my best friends since kindergarten, two: front row for four bands, three: tacos., four:

I just may have weaseled my way and waited for four hours to be front row for my favorite band in the entire world: Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I don’t have a lot of words to describe that experience for you, but it involved tears and a bundle of absolute joy as I heard words that fueled my recovery from my eating disorder two years again; except I heard them and witnessed them being sang. It was just… it was just so cool.

My view from the front… HOW YOU DOIN’, GRANT PARK?

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All I can say is that I left Grant Park speechless that day. And while they topped the day (and the weekend), Nothing but Thieves and X Ambassadors rocked my Saturday too.

Definitely could have done without the show from Jane’s Addiction. Ew. Did not care for the strippers.

Sunday was just a day of me. Which was awesome. I took a later train, and spent my last time in the city before college exploring the rest of the fest, listened to some music here and there, and grabbed Native Foods for dinner.

Bangkok Curry Bowl with blackened tempeh

I spent the rest of the night in recovery at my lovely home. Each night, I’d come home and fuel my body with some food at crash around 12:30. Safe to say, Sunday I went to bed at 10 with no problems.

 

Here’s what I have to say about Lollapalooza:

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1. Don’t expect to see everyone you want. It’s impossible, and yes it stinks. But, don’t beat yourself up! Take it as an excuse to explore new bands, and try out different things.
2. WATER. I never realized how important it is. I mean, I drink a lot of water anyways, but the amount of camelbaks I went through this weekend could probably fill Lake Michigan.
3. Never take for granted good food. Seriously.
4. Take time to appreciate how wonderful life is every once in awhile. This weekend, I was able to spend time with my favorite people in such a beautiful place. And not only that, but I met so many fabulous human beings that cared about music just as much as I did. People can be different than you, but you may find that there are so many similarities in the smallest of things.

 

My weekend was beautiful. Truly. The food was good, the laughs were endless, and the music blew my mind one too many times. I only hope that this summer, you got to cross something epic off your bucket list, too.

 

Change and Moving Forward

Hey everyone!

It’s been incredibly long since I’ve posted, but it’s due to good things coming into play. Life has been full of hustle and bustle; grad parties on the weekends, full days of work during the week, and of course long runs, cooking and baking…. what else can you expect!

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, and it has to deal with changes coming into play as I begin my journey moving forward into college, as well as life after college. I’m leaving home, and am starting to walk down the path of what I may do for the rest of my life; and that’s incredibly scary! But while it’s scary, it’s also incredibly exciting and I can’t wait to share my view on change.

My Day in the City

Ah, Chicago.

I’m such a city girl, it’s slightly sickening. Every family vacation we’ve taken to a city goes up on my favorites list no matter what, just because I love the city so much.

It gives me this weird, happy feeling all over that makes me want to jump out and scream for taxis, spend money on almond milk lattes, and dance to the beat of street drummers.

I’m a bit of a fan.

Yesterday, I had the amazing opportunity to spend the night in the city with my high school singing group. We were performing at the Palmer House, one of the most gorgeous places I’d ever seen.

Just the lobby alone had me flabbergasted. I mean, look at that ceiling! And all the people in there looked so professional, so fancy, yet, so laid back. As I walked around with my jaw dropped, I felt my heart race saying “YOU NEED TO LIVE IN THE CITY!”. I had already planned on venturing out there after college, but this truly sealed the deal.

After we did our sound check Wednesday night, we ventured over to Miller’s Pub to grab dinner. Although the dinner was nice, and the salmon was good, I would have loved to explored downtown more, and eaten at a much cooler restaurant… but as a foodie knows, we aren’t too often in the presence of other foodies.

The next day was our performance, and as we walked to the Palmer House, I spotted The Goddess and the Baker. I then proceeded to freaking cry because I have been DYING to go there! If you are unfamiliar, it’s one of the food hot spots in the loop. Of course, you know I was screaming and made it my goal to make it there that afternoon.

After we performed (which was such an amazing experience) , my director let us take off.

I was torn between two places: Brightwok and Goddess and the Baker. But finally made up my mind to travel on over to Brightwok , a crazy good asian, stirfry organic combustion of amazingness. My dad and I started our walk down the loop and I practically skipped around the corner as I neared one of the places I had been swooning over for so long.

When we got there, the cutest message greeted us outside on a chalkboard. It was an immediate attraction for me, and I couldn’t wait to get inside!

As I went up to the counter, I saw all the fresh ingredients lined up and ready to be mixed into whatever you chose. After contemplating just about every option, I decided to go with their “Live Brightly” bowl- mixed greens with stir fried broccoli, carrots, peppers, edamame, cabbage and farm fresh chicken topped with a golden miso dressing.

I could not wait to get my number called. The smell and sounds of the fresh food were causing me to drool, and to tide the wait, I posed with their wall of Chopsticks.

Finally, #27 was called and I got my bowl. Wow. The flavors and freshness of the mixture was killer! The veggies were cooked perfectly, the chicken was tender and flavorful, while dressing added this awesome ginger kick that I could eat ten times over. Pure heaven in a small stir fry bowl, if you ask me.

I had left over dressing, so you better believe the rest came home with me… hoping to remake this beauty soon!

After I finished, I realized that we still had a half hour before we had to be back to head home so I made the executive decision, and dragged my dad over to Goddess, as well. I had an opportunity, and you bet I took it!

The way over to Goddess was filled with sunshine, and good city vibes that made me happy to be alive. As cheesy as that sounds, sometimes you just need a little perk in your day to add to the excitement of life, and get you through. The good weather, and the joy of exploring was just what I needed.

Not to mention when I walked in and saw the entire glass case full of fresh made pastry and the lists of food as well as house made drinks that double my picture. That made me pretty happy, too.

 

I knew I had to get the almond milk latte, but I also had to grab something to eat from here as well. I ended up with a superfood BOOST! ball, and grabbed a little homemade ‘nola bar to munch on another time. When in foodie heaven, am I right?

The latte was awesome- creamy, foamy, and out of my usual black coffee. It made me actually enjoy lattes, and the energy ball just added to the awesomeness. Seriously, cannot wait to come back and grab about fifty other things.

On the way home, I found myself totally cheesing over how awesome my day was, and it got me so excited for the future. I cannot wait to be able to explore, and hopefully spend my days in the city after school. Chicago, I love ya!

 

Where’s one of your favorite cities? Any places you’d like to explore?

 

 

 

How I Found Balance

I’ve been wanting to write a post on balance for quite some time, yet I never took the time to actually begin it…

As a health food advocate, I practice it everyday. Whether this be making sure to get my greens and fruits in every day, or focus on no processed items, each day of the week I go to bed happy with my health.

But, I have not always been someone that has preached this message, and unfortunately it took me a long time to get here.

A few years ago, I was an excessive eater. I ate at any moment food was available to me, no matter if I was hungry or not. This, unfortunately cause a lot of weight gain to occur, and by freshman year, I was miserable. Yet, I had no idea how to change what was going on in my life.

On the left, just before I started my “health” kick.

I opened up to my mom, reaching out after we went to the doctor who told me that my weight was a little over what it should be. We started to work on eating healthier, and maybe try to add some light exercise, as entering high school I gave up my sports of soccer and softball.

Unfortunately, I took losing weight to an extreme. It started slow for sure, and I was doing what I thought was right by consuming “diet” foods that led into skipping meals… I ran three times a week, and then converted to just doing the elliptical and treadmill at the gym because I could then see the calories I burned to an “exact amount”.
Slipping into an eating disorder and exercise obsession is a very touchy and uncomfortable experience for a lot of reasons; one being that your relationship with food is never the same. Instead of seeing food as fuel, I saw it as a monster that would ruin the physique I had built up. Yet, as I continued to avoid it, the body I once had, was slipping away. In it’s place, protruded ribs, frail hair and little muscle.

By the time the next Spring had hit, I weighed so little that sometimes, my head would spin from a small movement. I barely could focus on anything besides the food I would consume, and running was out of the question. It was unfortunate to watch things I worked so hard for dissipate so quickly, yet I had no idea how to get my life back.

At a very low weight, being social was hard as I rarely wanted to be around people

For a start, I began therapy and working with a dietitian. To say that was easy is a complete lie, and I did NOT do well at first, by any means! It took months for me to even get close to gaining weight, yet when I did and I started to stretch my comfort zone, my life began falling back into place. Slowly but surely.

The year of recovery I went through helped me development the passion I now have for health, wellness and BALANCE. Yes, BALANCE! My favorite word ever! (can you tell??) Each week, I worked on what I could eat and how I could build up the body I wanted by opening my eyes to the amazing world of food and nutrition. I started to see food as this beautiful thing: Whole foods, no diet products, and freaking great tasting stuff that made me happy. This led ME to happiness, and although I’m not perfect, it’s the start of a beautiful life.

 

She gon’ get you girl! Run for the nutbutter!

I started to eat better meals, develop a love and passion for food and now, am a FOODIE! Not only that, but the food I consume fuels some pretty great runs, as well.

Now, what is my definition of balance… well, you see, balance to me is honoring your cravings and enjoying your life WITHOUT the need to constantly revolve around the food you are consuming. Example: If I have a smoothie for breakfast, and avocado toast for lunch, but later I want a dang big bowl of red lentil pasta covered in almond milk cheese, I’m a-okay with that. What I mean is that a lot of people focus on OMG CARBS!-which is not a bad thing- but, I prefer to listen to what my body wants. If one day I skip weights at the gym and take my dogs for a walk, I will not combust into a pile of ash.

Healthy living is taking the time to care about you. It’s about taking care of yourself, giving the essentials necessary for your life to continue on. And the thing is, life is far too short to consume your everyday with being PERFECT. No one is perfect, and there will not be a day when a perfect individual comes along. The best you can do is to live your life happy and healthy. I learned to love whole foods, take my nutrition seriously; but when my friends call me up to grab froyo or Tasty Treat ice cream, I’m not going to flip because it isn’t organic.

What I’m trying to say is that to love your body, you have to trust your body. The same goes for yourself. Trust your instincts, and stick to the values YOU believe in. This is what balance is. Focus on you, and I promise, the rest will fall into place as it should.