Goodbye ’15… hello to ’16!

I read Chickpea in the City’s post about the new year, and was totally inspired to create my own as hers rocked my socks off…

It’s insane how fast this year went.

I think about last New Years and already I’m at another one; planning with my group of friends whose house we’ll be spending the night at, what food to bring… and what finals to begin studying for after.

But what I’m really starting to think about how much has changed for me in this last year. At the beginning of 2015, I was one Emily… yet I’m ending it feeling like I’m a completely different girl who started it. And while change can sometimes lead to negativity, I’ve seen myself grow instead of shrivel.

Let’s start with one major thing in my life: confidence. I was about midway through recovery in January, and I was finally able to run two times a week as my parents had said. I started off slower, taking these glorious moments in as they happened so infrequently… These moments lead for Emily time, something I so rarely received with school. During these moments, I felt doubt. A lot of doubt. I saw my times, I saw the miles others ran, and I saw the body weight I had gained and immediately thought… has this slowed me down? Am I not good enough? Do people judge me when they see me trudge through the snow filled sidewalks.

This only progressed as I continued, and I continued to gain weight for my recovery. I rarely looked in the mirror, as I knew something might set me off as I was still so sensitive to this new body…

But something great has come of this. As I developed, as I gained weight again, I became stronger, faster, and I realized that I loved who I was. I started listening to my therapist as she told me I had “shazam”. I took the time to discover that I was beautiful, too. I didn’t want to follow what everyone else did.

I think this is when I actually evolved my instagram, as well. I started following new people, people who valued themselves, who valued nutrition and not cheap protein bars to become “faster athletes”. It was an amazing turning point. I felt alive with the foods I ate, with the hours I slept, and with the mentality to look in a mirror and feel nourished… not “jacked”, or “skinny”. I felt me..

Once I felt “me”, I did something else crazy after reevaluating my food that I was slowly letting enter my diet. I went out for cross country, and trained by myself all summer because of the job I had the pleasure of having. And that was working with a beautiful young girl named Natalie, who has down syndrome. 

Natalie taught me not to fear being different, not to fear trying new things, and not to fear being the best. I was who I was, and she pushed me to dedicate my time to things I felt had importance in my life. It was magical. Early morning runs, workouts after work, a summer filled of my love for running, my strive to be me, and enjoy others without feeling the pressure to change who I was for them. I loved it.

As school started, and cross country  revved up, I began being who I was in the face of my classmates and teammates. I dressed with clothes I thought were simple, I spoke about things I felt were important, and I pushed myself at practice because I wanted to; not because I wanted acceptance or the thrill of a pat on the back. It was glorious.

STATE 2015 BABY!

Through these last months of the year, I’ve been injured. And while this brought agony into my life, it also brought such importance in my life. Balance. I’ve found that taking this time to have my body heal has created a HUGE thing in my life; it’s given me time to explore interests again, and reevaluate the things I did have in my life before.

I’ve found that being away from running has been so difficult, and that makes me so happy. I love it; therefore being away from it and feeling the pain excites me to jump start back into it. I’ve also found that cooking and baking gives me a mass amount of joy. IT’S AMAZING! Like, I love cooking for myself and my family.

In what I’m trying to say, I’ve gotten closer to being me in 2015 than I have in the past 17 years I’ve lived so far. It’s a killer experience. And it’s even more killer when I get to share my life with the amazing folks on instagram, and the people who read my blog. I cannot wait to explore nutrition even further this year, and hopefully continue on with blogging.

So hello to a new year. 2016, BRING IT ON.

Let me know what your goals are for this year, and feel free to contact me at any time! 🙂 HAPPY NEW YEAR!